I Want To Know

Why Did You Throw Me Away

A day started off will a long complicated duty list. Scanning thru the list can give you eye sore. I don't believe that I actually push a side those silly listed duties.

I'm not tired

I'm not frustrated

Just something..

Bothering me

Are you my medicine?
This..
You can say it's a temporary smile

Piano class as usuall.. Went Tai Yan Chan Teng for lunch cat all the way till 4:30pm then off to OU.. Rushed to class.. Without practice but felt easy.. I'm not improving.. Thats for sure. Planned to read Twilight in stead.. I locked my self in the largest room of the school and played classical songs for an hour. Shock? Yes you should be. 7pm Mental Problem Hospital, the 1st book I held to is not Twilight.. Something caught my eye faster.. Twilight Director Notebook. It bring me closer to the acting back stage scene. 7:20pm Thinking of dinner~ Waited for someone in the same room, played the same song for 20minutes and the person arivved. No idea where and what to eat we ended in Chicken Rice Shop. I believe I face a habit/syptom of stress/depression/frustration and I release it on food I in take. Ordered two pax's feast. It's more than enough and a bowl of curry laksa. It's crazy. We sat there for 1 & a half hour++ one dish left. Gave up and went seeing some home acceseries.

A call to yam cha at 10:30pm.. shockingly I reject. And the whole thing canceled.. I'm curious. Am I the main person for today's drinking section..? I might be tired that time.. But if I'm tired.. I won't be here now.. Because it's 3:22am. I'm guessing that.. I changed.

Because of stress of family. Someone so generous talked to me about this matter today. I realise.. yes it is this matter. I'm not rich, my family is not too. God parents? Now I think I'm spoilt.. By their riches and love.

I don't want big houses, this gives me complication. When I'm at their family, I'm spoilted. When I come back to mine, I have to set back to my own life that I've live for 17years.

I don't want sparkling cars, drop me off anywhere and everywhere at anytime of the day.

I don't want fancy dresses, that make me even more materalistic

I don't latest electronic gagets, it would be irrisistable next time if I don't own one fast.

I don't want a life filled only with joy, because without sadness who could I learn joy?

I don't want a boy friend for free, I want to walk my own path to find the right guy.

I don't want to loose my life, that old me.. has gone far away.

I don't want to live like all this.

Because I know one day I have to stand alone without you guys, I have to learn to be more indepentend, more intelligent, and I don't want to be a teenage girl who is spoilt by her god parents.

I appreciate. Really I do. For every single little you have done for me. But a baby can never stay on the crawling stage.

Thank you, father mother.

3:35am

> lexis <

p/s : One word from you and it filled my day with laughter in my heart.