Purple-tipped Fronds Of Lavender

Like a pair of licensed fools

''Doubt thou the stars are fire;
Doubt that the sun doth move;
Doubt truth to be a liar;
But never suspect I love.''

Talk about my day.. started off great because I slept well that night. I went to school as I promised..I ate breakfast, I even brought a little snack back class.. I slag during BI lesson.. Everything was usual for me.. But I still feel that something is not right at first.

After school I hang around the back gate to get a cup of milk tea.. in the evening piano class was excellent. I almost blast the whole room down.. As I was emotional for the classical song I'm playing.. Beethoven & Clementi..

Music was my everything.. It's going to be a major thing in my life soon. It was too late to discover that music stands in such an important place in my heart. Once I dream to play in a famous orchestra was now fading further away from me as I don't give in all my effort and no commitment in it.. I felt guilty to my parents.. At this age, at this time, I can be at least a grade8 holder.. But what I am today is no victory gain in the challenge to a grade5 student.. Once a chance of getting a scholarship to London just slipped away from my hands at the age of 12th.. Used to be the top student of the school, as age grows in, taking actions too easily.. Thinking the world is to set by me.. Knowing that what she wants is what people must offer. All this foolish, immature thinking had spoilted me for 17 years. And it have to stop.

Feeling so guilty.. feeling so down.. what was I doing for the past 17years? When will I stand up to my self, to the world and start to think maturely.. And not behaving like a 6years old child anymore.. Pampered by foster parents and family friends... How would I reach my dreams? How am I suppose to stand? Just like falling down on the ice rink.

What I am doing now is leading me towards... darkness..? Where is my future? Because of my foolishness landing in classes without teacher most of the time.. It's all my fault that I've no choice but to choose this path.. Yet, I don't want to feel this insane feeling of guilty in me anymore.

Of course suiciding it's not a way to solve such problems.. It will cause even worse situation.. I understand all this. I'm not as dumb to end my life at this age. No matter how, even though some of you prefer me to be gone, I will not listen to a single word from ''you'', this my life. And in a life there is hates and likes.

1:37am
> lexis <

I'll be fine, probably in the morning later. No worries
p/s : I hate people who treat others as fake friends.