I drawled you on a piece of white paper
I swear to myself before that I will stay as brave as a tiger for standing alone is not easy. I've always convince myself that everything would be fine. It's only a true friend I seek out there all the while. A person who cares from the bottom of one's heart. I have not met one didn't I? Or I've miss it myself when it came into my life? Did I chase the innocent soul away?
Or should I consider you as my faithful friend? But I've always felt awkward to tell you some things.. I'll feel guilty or sorry after sharing my problems or a person whom I admire to you. I'm afraid that I will hurt you without knowing that I did. I have always treat you as my brother and it's hurtful enough for a guy like you. I dare not speak about us.. I do not have the courage to face you.. So our meeting is always delayed.. I feel so bad that I'm treating you this way.
I often think that leaving our friendship to an end is the best way. But once again another bleed in you. I fear to admit that we're closer than before. I fear to face the fact that I feel comfortable talking to you. But it's wrong. Because.. all these is not made in reality.. All these is thru electronic gadgets.. I know it can not last long to further our friendship. But I do not know why I fear to meet you. I am so sorry I am doing this again. By not telling you straight but writing in public. What am I doing now is going to cause a deep scar... Foolish me. Had to be alone for few days.
There was once I was touched by you. Confuse is it love or purely friendship? Wondering words that you said before does it still count? Once I reach this question... I change my thoughts straight away. Maybe we were meant to be friends, soul mates.. Maybe we are just each other's passer by. Letting each other learn our lesson.. All this came into me. I've no idea what is wrong with me tonight. Sometimes I miss talking to you. But all we only talk is sea food
I know all this is not worth spending time on.. For most of the time you get on my nerves.. I guess I will face high blood pressure soon =/ Knowing that our conversation have no points but I still want to see your name appear as a new message in my inbox... Realising I'll get mad if you didn't message me for days.. Sometimes it make me bet with my self that you will text me the next morning.. and yes... you did. Unbelievably all my mood swing and my misbehave doesn't cause you any headache.. or it did but I didn't realise again.. You're spoiling me in a way.. In future I need and hope that my partner will sometimes encourages me on doing the right thing, sometimes fool with me.
I'm afraid.. very scared that something will adjust us again. Sooner or later I will hurt you again. Maybe even now. I am very scared about that. But not telling all these feeling kept inside.. It's getting harder to breathe.. What I know, what I've experience about love is.. I'll can't live without him. I'll miss him every second even thought we just met. I'll go crazy over one soft text message he sent. But all these feelings.. Did not occur
So I think we really should stop connecting each other for some time. I think I have to readjust my personal feelings... All this is my own thinking.. selfishness
28th May 2009
03:00am
> lexis <
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