listening to Super Junior M - At Least I Still Have You
very very touching song
Seriously, we sweep the floors, mope the floor and the staircase and then wipe everything that is dusty. But it only took us about 1 hour plus to finish everything. Oh ya! We even wash the dishes. My maid's eyes was popping out all the time. Anyway, we got so darn tired and just lay on the living room floor like dead corps. Because my carpet is furry we fell asleep together. For about half an hour, and then my maid call us up. If I'm not mistaken.. we were sort of holding hands when we're asleep.. Hax.. sweet eh? Sadly.. He'll have bad news for me soon. Oh forget about that.
When we woke up the rain has stop already. Breathing in the air after rain is so refreshing, seeing the sky is cleared too. Make my mood rise to the tip. Dinner was at pasar malam with Mom, I think I ate the wrong food. It make my throat uncomfortable now.. sob sob
#2 I've done my ''asking'' to someone tonight, and finally got the ''truth'' from her.
After taking a hot shower bathe, I can't seem to fall asleep. I just feel like being in somewhere brighter. So I went down to the living room, day dreaming.. again.
And then I thought of some emotional things again. To make it clear and make me stop thinking, I grab my phone and started typing words. Sending sincere questions and hope to have the truth for an answer. And I did. So happy and so glad that we said our heart out tonight. Giving each other promises and words. I feel like I can fly to the sky. I'm so happy to own your words.
#3 Actually I've wrote a post half a page long for today's post, but I don't know how to continue writting. So I stop writting and wrote another new one. Which is this one. See everything in point form. But I'm elaborating it, besides the colours see how long is it now. xD
#4 I know I've been harsh to you lately. Change blog's link, twitter, block your msn, lie that I changed my cell phone number.. Seriously awful things I've done to you. But I don't really know how to go on communicating with you ON PHONE. Or what and which is the correct way? I don't know how did I get thru with you-know-who because he was the one who didn't answer all mt text message first. He was matture enough to do so. And actually succeeded it. But I'm not. I'm not those kind of girl who is strong enought to carry on two person's feeling. How can I clap when I only have one side of hand on me? You got to be with me, I told you so, you agreed, but what happen? Nothing..!
Seriously, if we were to have more time spend with each other in the reality I'm sure we can create more than a spark. If you were to be more ''active'' or take actions, I'm sure things won't end up like this. It has been one year since I know you. And tell me how any times we have argue? 4 or 5? Or more? haih.. I don't know how and I don't understand how am I going to continue this relationship. Depending on me to make the move, depending on me to tell you what to do. I can't, you know? I don't do the moves, eventhough I've done some to keep you moving.
And sometime unpredictable or my surprises are always failures, or you'll give me a sudden surprise and it did killed me once. Oh gosh.. I didn't want to admit that I fall in love with you, because I don't believe and can't always love you thru a phone. Uhh.. I just want us to feel the reality of each other. Speaking face to face and not just sms! How many calls have we made to each other? Most I can recall is 3. For this whole one year I known you, and this whole one year you're after me and you'll not call me? I'll get speechless on the phone, so does you. But you're a guy, dude, shouldn't you be more~ I don't know what to say. We are both shy, thats all.
You see, I'm talking bad about you again. Not bodering your feelings if you read this again. I want to tell you, I want to let you know, and I did. But still you just don't catch my meaning... I don't know what to do now.
I simply felt that any guy who try to be my guy is always harsh, will always face lots of conflicts with me and my family.
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One thing 1st! My family doesn't allow me to ''walk'' with any guy I like, or I fall in love with. At times where the guy got to prove to my father especially then only we'll be together. The one and only guy who got pass my father was him... sadly he's not here anymore. I wonder before, is it because of me that make him leave me in such cruel and uncontronvable way? But he's family was great, I've already have a mother-in-law. I'm part of his family already, the thing he left for me was his family, the one he most cherish.
Coming back to the point.. I think every guy will be ''very dao mei'' if they caught up with me. Maybe I wasn't meant to own any or to have any relationships now. Or maybe this is what it call puppy love?
But for Me & Him is never a puppy love.
6:14am
> lexis <
p/s : enough of saddening, it's time to prepare for school.
#4 give you one song to listen and understand, S.H.E - Lian Ren Wei Man. It's exactly our situation is now and what I want to say. It's in chinese, you'll might find it hard to understand. But look for help alright? At least give a chance.
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