Rainy & Cold
*~ emptiness ~*
Life it seems will fade away
Drifting further every day
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters, no one else
I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free
Things not what they used to be
Missing one inside of me
Deathly lost, this can't be real
Cannot stand this hell I feel
Emptiness is filling me
To the point of agony
Growing darkness taking dawn
I was me but now he's gone
No one but me can save myself
* Metallic - Fade To Black
No I don't listen to rock song like that, or is it even a rock song I'm not sure.
I saw this lyrics on a LiveJournal blogger's blog.
It's nice, just suites my mood now, so I copy-paste.
Wednesday 11th Oct 2009
Today is Friday.. let me flash back a little first. Lol. Hmmm..
I.. woke up at 6:45am that morning, HweiWen came my house around 7am. We walk to Kayu about 7:20am. Had breakfast there, then we went INC. Till~ 10am then go McD. Met YongFoong there, later on JingWei & HuiYee his elder sister came.
About 11am, ZhiHerng, KahYing & J-Yee came too. We chat, and studied. Then... sigh. I don't really remember. What I know is, I was quite hyper that morning. At Kayu ate roti-canai + raw sugar, had 2 glass of teh-o ice. Then I had coke in McD.
After that PohPui came, don't know what happen then she went INC2 alone, I was concern so I followed behind her. My leg almost get prained while I was trying to catch up with her, maybe because I sat too long under the air-cond, my blood don't run. haih. We went INC2, met Andrew, JiaEu, CheeMeng & JenYang there, then later on the whole gang from McD came to INC2 too.
The group playing online games, really having fun that time.
Flash back now, I can't really smile. *what happen if I tell you, I'm emo-ing because of you?* Damn it! Who would like a girl who always nothing-nothing then emo lehh? If I also won't like this kinda guy lah. =.=
After INC2 is already 1pm, I guess, Andrew drove J-Yee back home, McD-study-group went back to McD to continue study. We sat next to the glass, where we can see outside. I just love~ to sit there.
I saw an uncle, coming down a cab, with his grandson. He face walking difficulties, he took a long time coming down the cab with his tongkak, digging he's back pocket for he's wallet to pay the cab driver. His grandson sat behind, alertly came down the cab fast and helped his grandfather. He hold he's grandfather's hand to cross the road and lead the old man to the shoplots. After a while, I saw them again. They were outside Pelita trying to cross the road quickly, because there's a cab waiting for them opposite the busy road. The grandson smartly put he's hands up waving to the cars so that the cars drive slow and allow them to cross the road. Holding a plastic bag on his right hand, and his grandfather's wrinkled but warm hand on he's left.
Some kids really need to have such kind of heart since young. =)
Till the time I really want to focus on my book, I sat next to ZhiHerng. Revising my book, eating a burger set. It was 3pm that time. Before going back home, Pp & I went INC2 again. I went to a cyber cafe for 3times that day. Drop by McD again to take away a sundae strawberry for Pp's Mom.
I took the long way back home. I walked Pp to ChaoYang, Kayu then I walk back home from there. It's not anything.. I just want to walk back from there. Maybe because it's nearer to you? It was a busy and fun morning. While I reached Sahara field, Mom texted me. Saying we'll be having dinner at WeiSekKai SS2 that night. I bathe, waited for Dad to come home, then we went SS2 for dinner. After dinner, we went to Tropicana City Mall to lepak a while. Lol. These occations are really rare, by the way.
Thursday 12th Oct 2009
*~ a pot of Rose in the warm house ~*
I promised WeiMenn & KahYing that I will go to school today. But I fail to keep my promise. I totally forgotten that I'm not allowed to eat egg until my rashes are all gone. But yesterday night, while having steamboat for dinner, a.k.a LokLok, I ate egg. Like 3 eggs. So in the midnight my rashes became hot, like it's burning under my skin. When I woke up at 6am, finding my rashes are worse, and the surface of my skin is redish.
Sadly, again, I can't attend school. Instead, I stayed at home, very obediantly. It was raining after minutes I woke up. Having my breakfast in bed, blurring like no one else care. Till 2pm, my aunt called for my help. It seems like, her stocks has arrived at Port Klang, and it's on the way to my house. It rain heavier. It was hard to unload the 3 huge bag of stock from that big lorry. But luckily, the stock didn't get wet, but obviously I'm all wet. It's better than going out in the hot sun, because once I go under the sun, and back in the shade, my rashes will turn hot and it will start to be itchy, spread.
It was 3pm+ time to get ready for my piano class at 4pm, Damansara Jaya. Took a hot water bathe, cooked lunch for Dad then we head off to DJ. It was useless, the class was useless. Teacher Julia wanted me to play with the metroneum on. Tick tok, tick tok, tick tok, 1, 2, 3~ 1, 2, 3~ follow the beat, 1 N, 2 N, 3 N~ 1 N, 2 N, 3 N..... I am sucky/bad in counting. I'm not glad to call myself a Grade5 student. I'm not glad at all. I felt like I'm just/ still stuck in Grade3. It's a huge difference in G5 & G3. Grade5 is counted a higher grade already, new expectations, new skills must be well practice.
I know. I suck. I know.
The more wrong notes I played, the more fad up teacher gets. Without the metroneum, just my own counting, I can play the whole song without a hint of irony. But.. I'll just need to spend more time on it, after my SPM. It's gonna be me & my piano, me & my piano, me & my piano, me & my piano me & my piano...
And I'll seek a chance of teaching violin beginers in my aunt's music school. I hope I can earn a little money for myself during the holidays. I love my violin more than my piano. But piano is easyier to learn.
I was afaid when teacher said, ''close your book. I don't want to listen anymore. Play your scales. At least it won't hurt my ear so much.''
''Oh Gosh.'' My heart told my brain. It continues ''You are in deep shit now.''
sigh.. what can I say? My mind is flying somewhere else that time. What was I thinking?
After the long 1hour of piano lesson, I went to Atria, to my aunt's bag shop to wait for Mom to fetch me home. At the same time I reached there, aunt Regina came with the gallons of stock too. I help to unload them from the car, and unpacked them in the shop. Setted up the hocks for the bags, then Mom & I leave to my school to fetch Marcus home. It was drizzling that time.
From school back gate, I walk to Kayu, alone. I was in the happy mood that time. All the way till I meet Angie & PeiWen plus one of their friend in Kayu. After minutes, PohPui, Nick & HweiWen arrived at Kayu. While we started walking the market, my happy mood instantly drops. I don't know why and how. But it just did. sigh.
After shopping for some frozen food for our hotpot brunch tmr, I walked home, alone, under the drizzling sky. It was dark, and cold. I reached home safely, walking really slow under the dark, crossing every lamp post seeing my own shadow on the wet floor. Hearing frogs talking while passing by Sahara field, I bet we can make out several hilarious jokes about them, if only you were next to me that time.
Reached home, online a while. Had a little dinner alone, because everyone had eaten besides me. Texted Pp while I was eating. Talk nonsense, think nonsense, spread nonsense. sigh. I'll just do something else, everytime I think of you. I'll just do something to distract me by thinking of you.
I feel so foolish nowadays.
I feel so immature.
I feel so dumb.
So damn dumb.
''I sacred later he think you're annoying =(''
''yeah.. that is one point that kept me holding back too. haih.''
stupidness.
lameless.
pathetic.
Oh God. I really need to visit you real soon!
I need your guide to lead me to my books.
Dear God, are you free on saturday morning?
Friday 13rd Oct 2009
*~ I'll control my own mood ~*
I woke up at 6:50am this morning. Really late. I forgotten HweiWen will be coming my house at 7am. When I walk down the stairs, just in time she arrived. Teeth not brushed, my bandage not taken out, my hair is not comb, still in pyjamas. OMG. How can I walk out like that? But nvm. I just did it. Not like it's my boyfriend waiting for me outside there. Even though it is, I think he'll accept my just-wake-up-messy-look. Lol.
Got everything ready by 7:20am. Walked out about 7:30am. It was drizzling. I'm in my shorts and a very-very t-shirt, t-shirt. I mean, it says no to sex before marriages. I mean.. my school have a Adstinence campaige long time ago. This t-shirt belong to my sister. In the matter of fact, I was in total blur mood this morning, so I simply just took a t-shirt and wore it.
We went to Mobil to grab a few breads and drinks for breakfast, then we headed to INC1. I brought Nestcafe and a cream bread. My tummy ache just now. I think is because of the cold coffee I drank. sigh.
Maybe it's because I'm having my dearest friend in visit, and the weather is cold. So my mood is running up and down. I'm not blamming anyone or accusing anyone for my this unpleasant mood I'm facing these few days. It's just me and my stupid brain. It like to think a lot, then it hurt my heart, then my heart scold my brain, then my brain wet my eyes. WTF. =.= It's all just me and me okay.
So please don't avoid me after you read this. Just.. I hope you don't take it seriously. I'm just mumbling to myself. I'm just emo-ing for the sake of PMS. =.= pathetic laaaa~!!
xoxo
Ee Min
note : stupid brain~! all because of you. dumb dumb!
*~ is not you that is hurting me ~*
ps : I can actually write such a long post in INC, with all the noise and foul words around me. ^^ No, I'm not considering to come more often to INC next time. Don't worry. =)
